Shujin Unblogged

Live Journal

I now post in Live Journal, but intend to occassionally post here too.
Visit my LJ at http://www.livejournal.com/users/shujin88/
I also intend to maintain my linked friends in my LJ

Peace \(^_^)v

posted by Shujin @ 4:12 AM

Sublimate

My friend, Kitty broke up with her boyfriend several days ago, and since then we’ve been spending a lot of time together. We’ve known each other for more than five years now, but only became close friends around 2 years ago.

It was during a hot and humid summer weekend and we had both just finished playing separate matches of badminton. I was seated in the bleachers resting when she joined me on my bench. We began chatting about our games while watching our friends play when I casually inquired about her (then) boyfriend, Lloyd since he wasn’t around. She gave me a sad look then answered that they’d broken up. She then began to pour her heart out to me, which surprised me since we were never really close. I honestly felt awkward at first, but I was soon sympathizing with her. We’ve been close friends ever since. So close that at one time we were actually rumored to be dating. Bah. Gossips. Hehehehe =P

Now, Kit has been trying to hook me up with her friends, which I find kinda irritating because her taste in PLUs does not seem to match mine. Oh well. At least she cares! Perhaps I should try to set her up as well, but methinks she isn’t ready to date yet as she is still in constant contact with that bastard ex of hers.

***

Have been very active with gym and sport recently. Good. Must keep endorphin levels up. Endorphins, if you don’t know already, are chemicals secreted in the brain that gives people the so-called natural high. They are usually released after challenging physical exertion, like when we exercise or engage in sports and believe it or not, when we eat really spicy food! No wonder some individuals, entire cultures even are hooked on Sili (chilies)!

To try: When sad, chow down on chilies.

Happily gaining lean muscle. Ayos! Have been very disciplined with my choice in food, but I still eat more than a cup of rice during lunch and dinner. Oh well. I don’t think the amount of rice that I eat adversely affects my progress anyway and I do need plenty of carbs since I play sport often. Have given up chicharon, though. (chicharon = fried, crispy and heavenly flavorful pork rinds) L

My upper abs are starting to show, ^_^ but I still do have a small paunch =P, which means that I have to challenge myself further and do a bit more extra lower ab exercises too. Nothing I can’t handle. I refuse to take fat burners as I still doubt their effectiveness and safety. My friend, M has been raving about a certain green tea fat burning formula, but I remain to be skeptical. I think getting ‘cut’ without resorting to thermogenic supplements would only add to the glory of having a nice body. Wouldn’t you agree?

***

I recall an old episode of the old tv show, “Tell the people,” where host, Julie Yap-Daza had a guest psychiatrist. Her guest talked about something called sublimation, a technique that she described as transforming (or channeling) negative energies (emotions) into something positive. I’ve tried this and it actually works.

How it works: When you’re feeling sad, bitter, angry or just f*cking b*tchy force yourself to go to the gym or play your favorite sport and use these powerful, though negative emotions as fuel for your activity. Voila! You get a more intense workout and you get to beat the crap outta your friends in sports! ^_<

***

It’s amazing how much trivial knowledge I hold in my memory banks. Must put this to good use.

To consider: Join tv game shows for big bucks hehe.

Peace \(^_^)v

posted by Shujin @ 1:08 PM

Meaning in life

I'm thinking about doing some volunteer work for a worthy charity. Most high in my list are NGOs that do environtmental work and orphanages or homes for the elderly. I'm also seriously considering using my unique position to organize a fund raising event for a suitable charity.

Only a day ago I was feeling so miserable about my personal problems, but watching the news has again made me aware that my suffering is nothing compared to what some of my countrymen are going through. In the news earlier, they showed how bad the situation is in Infanta, Quezon: Homes destroyed, mud everywhere, dead livestock and unhygeinic surroundings that could possibly lead to an epidemic of one sort or another. Add to that: Inaccessible roads, and a provincial calamity fund that has still to be released.

I wanna help out. I kinda feel a sense of duty to these people, and I know that by helping them I'll be helping myself too. As De Mello so paradoxically puts it, "Helping others is the most selfish thing a person can do." He claims that when we care about others and help out, we're actually, selfishly making ourselves feel better. I agree with him.

To ponder: Selflessness = Selfishness. I believe that that is one form of selfishness that would surely be welcome during these trying times.

***
A good number of my friends have recently commented that I look good. I find this surprising since I'm in that rutty stage right now when I feel and think that I'm unattractive. I'd be thinking, "What the hell is he/she talking about?" Some of these people don't know the personal crisis that I'm going through. Heck, some of them don't even know that I was hitched for four years!

I've always believed that what we feel inside of us somehow finds a way of expressing itself physically. Ever noticed someone so crazily in love that all the beautiful feelings that are welling up in that person's heart begins to show in his/her countenance? Well, I have a feeling that the great sorrow that I'm feeling is somehow projecting itself outward and that some of my friends find the expression of my woe as being attractive. Just a theory. I am, after all allowed to ramble in my own blog, aren't I? tee hee ^_<

To do:

1) Apply for DSL connection. Cool, no? =]
2) Plan room renovation. Coax designer friend, T to do a free consultation.
3) Continue with physical improvements.
4) Sleep more (-_-);
5) Shop for upcoming christmas parties! \(^o^)v

Reflections before retiring to bed: I am in an emotional seesaw. Crap. I really should move on uhuh. I should. I think I will wait some more before I start dating again. Have been a bit h*rny recently tee hee, but I can still get by without sex. Sex and dating can wait (a bit longer =P).

posted by Shujin @ 2:31 AM

Friendship is a sheltering tree

I'm recovering from my bout with colds (sniffle sniffle), but I'm now feeling well enought that I said yes to a friend's invitation to play our fave sport. Will be going to the gym prior to the game as I have a goal (see 11-30-04 entry) to reach and a deadline that goes with it.

I cried again last night, but a good and moderately long talk with my friend, S helped tremendously. I feel much MUCH better now. It's just swell to know that I have real friends that genuinely care about me. Ugh, thinking about my chat with S last night is starting to make me feel all mushy again.

Must resist. As the samurai code teaches: "Control your emotions or your emotions will control you."

It's quite obvious that my family loves me. It's strange how they seem to know when a member is upset and they all silently conspire to make you feel better by being extra nice. The fact that they don't ask any personal questions is a most agreeable bonus.

3 weeks into the recovery process: Hit a road bump. Progress adversely affected. Jolt from the bump made me realize my mistakes in handling heartache. Again, moving inexorably on towards getting better.

***

I just suddenly remembered this line from an old card game I used to play called, "Magic: The Gathering." Too bad I can't recall exactly which card contained this quote.

"The willow knows what the storm does not; that the power to endure harm far exceeds the power to cause it."

posted by Shujin @ 3:08 PM

O-ryu

Meeting went well. Renewed contract with media partner, nice. Just resting a bit before going to the gym. Got offered a gig to do restaurant reviews. Being the foodphile that I am, I accepted. Sweet ;-)

***

It appears that my personality is consistent with the characteristics of my animal sign. Kakui des ne? d=]

You are Long-wang!

Mythological Background: Yes, the dragon represents
everything you think of when you think of a
dragon - fearsome and invincible. Also, it is
greatly respected just because of that fact.
The dragon has a very protective aspect to it.
Even Jupiter reminds you of intense smashing
power. The dragon is almost always surrounded
by rain-bearing clouds and fog; and the
appearance of its constellation always signals
rainfall and lightning. It's also a symbol of
authority worn by the nobility and the imperial
class. Japanese Name: Seiryuu.


Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

posted by Shujin @ 5:24 PM

This is Bad. Weather forecast for this weekend: Typhoon.

Barely a week has passed since heavy rains battered Central Luzon provinces. A multitude of my compatriots have lost their homes and even loved ones to this natural calamity. Only recently, I was ranting about my anulled love life and heavy workload. How petty my troubles seem now. =(

I implore you, my lone blog reader (you know who you are =P) to donate whatever you can to our countrymen in Nueva Ecija and Quezon. I hear they need clothing, food and medicines in particular, but cash donations will probably be welcome as well. =]

I pray that the Big Boss on high will change his mind and decide to relocate the storm predicted to arrive this weekend somewhere else, like in the middle of the Pacific Ocean =] Amen.

***

Ahhh sweet relief. I'm going to meet my Friday deadline after all =]

I love my job. I'm off to a meeting in Ortigas. Ja mata! =D

posted by Shujin @ 1:51 PM

Had lunch with friends in GB. Was supposed to meet up with them at 12nn, but I somehow managed (again) to arrive 30 minutes late. We endeavored to partake of our nuncheon repast (Naks! Ayos ba?) at this place called 'Recipes' and the food was good, not overly pricey, but the servings were on the meager side.

It's been a while since I've met up with friends on a weekday and while the sun was still up and I must say that I kinda missed it. For a few moments there I was actually wishing that our small get together could last just a bit longer than our lunch breaks would allow. And I did get my wish. The staff at that place were so slow and inattentive that it took them a while (almost 15 mins) to give us our change.

Mind you, I see these friends of mine on a more or less weekly basis, abeit usually on gimik nights but but, I dunno why, but but but it kinda brought back memories from when all of us were happily unemployed and carefree. Ayun. Kakamiss lang. =P

posted by Shujin @ 1:21 AM

No More "I Love Yous" Lyrics by Annie Lennox

I used to be lunatic from the gracious days
I used to be woebegone and so restless nights
My aching heart would bleed for you to see
Oh but now...

I don't find myself bouncing home whistling buttonhole tunes to make me cry

No more "I love yous"
The language is leaving me
No more "I love yous"
Changes are shifting outside the word

The lover speaks about the monsters

I used to have demons in my room at night
Desire, despair, desire... sooo many monsters!
Oh but now...

I don't find myself bouncing home whistling buttonhole tunes to make me cry

No more "I love yous"
The language is leaving me
No more "I love yous"
The language is leaving me in silence
No more "I love yous"
Changes are shifting outside the word

They were being really crazy
They were on the come.
And you know what mummy?
Everybody was being really crazy.
Uh huh. The monsters are crazy.
There are monsters outside.

No more "I love yous"
The language is leaving me
No more "I love yous"
The language is leaving me in silence
No more "I love yous"
Changes are shifting outside the word
Outside the word

posted by Shujin @ 3:30 PM

Eros, Storge, Philia and Agape

I cannot work. I've been trying to work for the past several hours, but I've accomplished very little. This is hardly the time to post in my blog considering how close my deadline is. To borrow my boss' words the last time she gave me an extension, "Turn it in by Monday. That's the deadliest deadline!"

"Out of synch," Is what my gut sense is telling me. I am out of balance. Disoriented and out of whack with everything. Gawd, the timing of that neanderthal ex of mine. If only he had the decency to break up with me after Christmas! This whole separation business is so totally frustrating. It's so ahh dagnamagumitt --overwhelmingly negative!

Of course it doesn't help that I saw him in the gym this afternoon. Sigh, he was having a bad hair day. Too sad. For someone so focused on looking good, it is surprising for him to have misfocused on his bad hair. I wanted so badly to tell him to get a haircut soon, but I opted to let him realize on his own that the afro look went out with Macy Gray's last album. Funny how his vanity sometimes gets the better of him. He probably spent too much time polishing his nails and bathing in cologne that he forgot to properly groom his hair. What am I saying?!! Bitterness leave my side!!!

My sincere apologies, dear ex for slandering you in my post. I shall not again let my hurt feelings and anger take control of my actions. That is beneath me. I shall do my best to never allow any more mention of your peculiar grooming habits to stain the sanctity of my blog.

Lord, again I surrender unto you my bitterness and tendency to utter disparaging remarks against my ex. I thought all evil feelings have left my heart, but now I see that I was wrong. Once more, I implore you to take and get rid of these malefic emotions that hound this blood-pump-slash-electric-generator at the center of my chest cavity. Amen.

***

Ah, to be heartbroken. What is a guy to do? I actually believe that I'm almost over him. Or am I? I no longer feel the urge to release saline solution from the lacrimal glands at the inner corners of my eyes. I understand that this could lessen my body's water supply and may possibly contribute to electrolyte imbalance. Moping is no longer fun. It has actually become quite boring. Unloading emotional toxins through conversations with friends now only produces miniscule amounts of mutagenic substances, so unlike the deluge of radioactive matter that I used to deliver over phone chats that easily lasted 5 hours. Binge? Consuming enormous amounts of junk food has never been my style. And I know that eating more than the recommended quantity of my favority fares will only result in heartburn. It is not my wish to experience simultaneous discomfort in my heart and belly.

***

De Mello says that people like me suffer because of society's conditioning machinery. He purports that we are all actually conditioned to suffer when there is absolutely no reason to suffer. Suffering is all in the mind, he says. Alright, so maybe he's right. The problem now is going through the process of deconditioning after all, I do not want to simply recondition myself. I wanna be as God intended me to be. He says in his book that a person has to become 'aware' in order to achieve freedom from conditioning. Easier read than done. Crap.

Oh, think happy thoughts. Hmmm, i should also learn how to distinguish between happy thoughts and kinky thoughts tee hee =P Think WHOLESOME happy thoughts.

***

Greek has words for four kinds of love: Eros a.k.a. sexual love, hence the word erotic. Storge or Philia, which is brotherly love or the love that I feel for my family and friends. And then there is spiritual love, Agape. This is siad to be the love that Jesus had for and gave to mankind. All encompassing and unconditional love. Paulo Coelho describes Agape in his book, "The Pilgrim," as "The love that consumes." How cool is that! To be consumed by the greatest form of love, to be digested, absorbed into, get transmuted and become a part of love, pare =] Just thinking about it is making me smile and feel good. Pare, pa hug =P tee hee

***

I pray that I be granted the grace to experience Agape. Lord, it would be nice if I could experience it right now, during a very trying time of my life. I'd like to know how it feels like to be consumed by love. Maybe if you allow this to happen all the painful and ugly feelings that plague me will be turned to cinders. And perhaps after that is done I can once again have that light feeling in all four valves of my 24/7 pulse-generating muscle.

I stop writing now before I get overly dramatic, which I am prone to when I'm sleepy and frustrated.

Mundane thoughts before bed: I shall rest well, awaken refreshed, work seriously and finish the tasks I have set for today, before my deadline.. on Friday, drats. Squeeze time for lunch, with my friends, and have fun for the duration of, and after, have a good quality workout, to achieve my goal of, having a Mossimo Model Quality body, by summertime. So (please) help me, God! =]

posted by Shujin @ 4:48 AM

Return to innocence - Enya

Love, devotion, feeling, emotion
Don’t be afraid to be weak
Don’t be proud to be strong

Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to your self
The return to innocence

posted by Shujin @ 4:19 PM